John Cooper Clarke: ‘On this tour, everybody goes out with a smile on their faces’

On a day off at the midway point in a three-month UK tour, Clarke is in a good place.

He’s just released a critically-lauded poetry collection, Have It, and is basking in his recent emergence as our latest national treasure, having been awarded a Nordoff and Robbins Northern Music Award and the freedom of the city of Salford.

At 77, his razor-sharp wit is in fine fettle and there’s even been much-deserved commercial success, with the Arctic Monkeys’ adaptation of his 1982 poem I Wanna Be Yours surpassing four billion streams on Spotify.

He’s happy too with the “uniformly fabulous” response to his tour thus far, including a stop-over at his favourite theatre, the London Palladium, a venue where many of his musical heroes, including Frank Sinatra, have performed.

Indeed, he even hinted at a hush-hush Great American Songbook project possibly featuring a version of the Sinatra classic Moonlight in Vermont, to be sung rather than read.

If it happens, it wouldn’t be unprecedented. Back in 2016, he released This Time It’s Personal alongside Hugh Cornwell, on which his vocal pipes were used to good effect on classics such as Conway Twitty’s It’s Only Make Believe and Richie Valens’ Donna.

He’s not ruling out a reprise, saying: “Why not? There are still thousands of great songs that I haven’t murdered yet, not in public anyway.

“On this tour, everybody goes out with a smile on their faces.

“The London Palladium is not the largest in terms of capacity but it is more mythological to a man of my age as the greatest theatre in the world.

“Sunday Night at the London Palladium was the programme of the week in the early days of ITV.”

Clarke compares preparation for his three-month tour as a “quasi-military operation”, explaining: “You’ve got to be careful what you eat, things like that.

“It’s just an amplified version of what I’m like anyway. It’s chaos that frightens me – spontaneity, what a nightmare.

“To be honest, I’ve never drunk much beer. When I came of drinking age, at 15, I never had enough room in my insides for more than a pint of liquid at a time, so it made me a bit of a pussy in the beer world, so I’ve always gone for shorts, so that helps. It’s responsible for a lot of weight gain, beer.

“I don’t do much snacking either. I stick to mealtimes. I’m like Del Boy out of Only Fools and Horses. I’ve always been like this even when I was a schoolboy – lunch is for wimps.”

The so-called godfather of punk is performing at the capital’s Queen’s Hall on Friday, November 27, the final night of his tour.

It’s a city he’s become well-acquainted with over the decades.

“I’ve done the Playhouse and the Underbelly at the Festival,” he recalled. “I’ve been many times over the years and I guess the most memorable one was when I was there with my wife, who was heavy with our daughter at the time, so that must have been 32 years ago.

“It’s a great town and I’ve been back many times over the years. It’s particularly enlivened this time because I ran in to Wattie Buchan out of the Exploited in the breakfast bar of the Hilton Hotel in Stoke.

“I was amazed he was still alive. He looks younger than springtime. I don’t think he’s going to be there in Edinburgh. I gave him the date but he thinks he’s going to be in the States.

“I’ve never run into that guy before and he’s a swell bloke.

“When someone you admire turns out to be a fan, that is priceless. I could rattle off a few but modesty forbids.

“But why get into this business if you’re not going to be a name-dropper?

“Van Morrison – Van the fan, I call him. He came to a number of my gigs without me knowing about it. He was playing it cool, playing it down, and over the last few years we have been quite chummy.

“I was on at his 80th birthday, an evening of poetry and music at Belfast Waterfront last September. It was a great event.

“He was with Jimmy Page and we talked about guitars. What else?”

As for his recent awards and citations, he’s loving the love.

“I love the accolades,” he admitted. “I’m happy with carefully considered adulation – bring it on.

“Does it come with much of a purse? First I Look at the Purse by the Contours is how I look at it.”

As for reality TV, he reveals he was once offered – and refused – a nice pay day.

“I have talked myself out of millions by not putting on bets on those shows,” he said. “Say Big Brother, I predicted the victor on four consecutive Celebrity Big Brothers, when the odds were long.

“The person I pick out is the person who is the most normal, the guy with a regular world-view.

“I was right about Bez and right about Jim Davidson. If I’d put a tenner on, I would be speaking to you now from a mansion in its own acreage. I’d be p***ing pure gold. Sadly my bookie moved five miles away and I’m basically an idle person.

“I've had an offer from I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! At my time of life, you’re having a laugh, aren’t you? I said no even though it was quite a purse. I’d look like s*** after three days and I can’t let that happen in public.”

Another fan is new UK Prime Minister Burnham, although Clarke’s careful, like another of his heroes, Presley, to remain politically neutral.

“I met him for about half an hour about five years ago and he made me feel like the most important person in the world, but of course that’s something they learn in politicking college,” he said.

“Angela Rayner the same – they are big fans but I’m not in their pocket.”

Speaking of Elvis, he admits there’s one of the King’s songs that he can’t listen to – Old Shep.

“There isn’t a dead dog song in the world that doesn’t stretch your heart to breaking point, and with Elvis in charge, well, it’s just too heartbreaking for words,” he said. “That’s the one Elvis tune I just can’t be exposed to.”

On a visit with his family to Graceland in Tennessee a couple of years ago, he finally had answered a question he’d long pondered – what was the last record on the King’s turntable at the time of his death on August 16, 1977?

“I asked our guide – we had the VIP treatment – and he answered immediately Feelings by Morris Albert. Elvis was trying to get the hang of it. You can imagine him doing a good job of that one, can’t you? He was made to do that one.”

Edinburgh’s show will be the final night of the tour, but he’s not planning any after-gig party, saying: “I’ll be heading back home as quickly as possible to get in front of the television in my pyjamas.”

Tickets, priced £43.45 or £49.50, are available via https://www.thequeenshall.net/book/280201