G.I.Joe: Retaliation (12A) ** The Pavilion, Galashiels
This is aimed at boy gamers. The violence is high-tech, non-stop and explosive. The fights are straight out of Kill Bill, although the battle on the cliffs, with a 1,000-metre drop, is CGI-tastic.
They have drones the size of mosquitoes and mini frisbees like circular saw blades.
There is no end to their invention when it comes to weapons of destruction.
All this and a 12A certificate!
Add 3D, which doesn’t work well, by the way, and you have an expensive movie and a potential blockbuster.
The plot could have been made up by a 12-year-old in his sleep.
The US president (Jonathan Pryce, for heaven’s sake) has been kidnapped and exchanged by a technically-morphed double who has ambitions to rule the world ... baddies from Genghis Khan to Blofeld have tried that one. Nothing new.
The G.I. Joes are a select commando squad of highly-trained assassins, with names such as Roadblock, Snake Eyes, Lady Jaye and Duke.
They could be X-Men without the special powers.
On the other hand, they might have spent too long in the gym.
Before Mr President blackmails world leaders at a nuclear summit, he orders the destruction of the G.I. Joes.
A handful survive, and with the help of a retired general (Bruce Willis) set about Retaliation.
In the league of Jason Bourne or Jimmy Bond, the G.I. Joes are in the second division.
They love army dialogue – “Copy that!” and “Go! Go! Go!” – but can’t handle emotion.
It’s a man thing, not a gay thing. Tough guys don’t cry; they kill people.