The Great Egg Collection has started. We are hoping the hens will up production so we have plenty of choice.
No, we’re not starting to hoard eggs ready for painting and rolling at Easter. As much as it might please the adults in the house to think of their smiling offspring having the patience to dye, paint and otherwise decorate hard-boiled eggs for Easter, in reality, this ain’t gonna happen.
In the smiley Easter world, small children run up hills clutching their egg masterpieces and then gambol back down after them like cute spring lambs as the eggs bounce down a sun-warmed, grassy hillock.
In the real world kids get humpy about their sibling having the colour of egg they wanted, or using the last bunny transfer which was the one they wanted, or copying them, or using the same colour of felt tip they were going to use and a hundred other totally daft reasons for going in the huff that you remember using when you were a child, but now realise are utterly daft.
What is a Big Deal in kid world is Sheer Daftness in the adult world.
But, like telling a child who just loathes school with a passion that these are the Best Days of Your Life, telling a child that their brother is having the best felt tip just doesn’t cut it.
They brook no excuses and accept no substitutes. Ever.
Unless the cousins from Englandshire are here for Easter, there is no point in doing Easter activities. It’s sadly all about the number of chocolate eggs they can fleece rellies and family friends for.
Last year, when the cousins were here, we had a proper Easter Egg Hunt all around the garden and in the wood, with numbered tokens to collect and exchange for some creme-filled eggs. Yum.
Wee signs with arrows and ‘this way’ on them misdirected them hither and thither, making mini Anneka Rices (remember her?) out of them.
Well, Anneka without the Lycra, swishing ponytail and helicopter.
If you don’t remember Anneka, then you’re young enough to Google her, but will probably then wonder what all the fuss was about. In these days of rap videos and Nicki Minaj, Anneka looks sooooooo tame.
And if you think – without really knowing what they are – that you’re too old to watch rap videos or Nicki Minaj perform, you probably are. It’s a state of mind as well as a state of undress.
Anyhoo, enough of Ms Minaj and her scantily-clad self. This was supposed to be about why we are collecting eggs. So, yes, we are collecting eggs for our egg class entries at the Peebles Poultry Show or, to give it its Sunday name, the Peebles and District Poultry and Bantam Club 28th Championship Show.
As its name suggests, it’s held in Peebles every year, and every year we enter.
This year it’s on February 22 and we have no less than 11 – yes, double figures – egg class entries.
Although one of these is not a ‘proper’ egg class – it’s a class for a Decorated Egg, which the Young Master is entering. Cue endless fights over the best felt tip ... watch this space.