There is feel good, feel better and feel sick. Which is it? Here’s a clue. Two mates return home to Edinburgh from army duty in Afghanistan.
They are mentally and emotionally scarred by what they have experienced.
One of them falls for the other’s sister.
The other falls for his sister’s best friend. Romantic? Not really. The boys are shy, the girls independent.
The parents of one of them (Peter Mullan and Jane Horrocks) are planning a 25th wedding anniversary party at a working men’s club down in Leith.
Everything is sweetness and light until Mum finds an old photo in Dad’s pocket that suggests he was having naughties 24 years ago with a glamorous brunette.
She flips. Everyone else freaks. Relationships wobble. The party poops.
He turns on the taps and the daughter he never knew he had wanders in from The Last Straw Saloon.
This may sound interesting, like the glimpse of a Scots kitchen sink, but, in fact, it has less substance than a Tunnock tea cake and twice the sugar content.
And suddenly there is music. Every now and then – more now than then – someone lets rip with a number from The Proclaimers’ play book, usually in the middle of an argy, or love whinge.
Musicals are created fully formed. The story and songs are integrated from the beginning. Here they are stapled on to a weak story and given no help from the choreographer.
The film is so desperate to warm the cockles that you feel like calling an ambulance before losing your lunch in Princes Street Gardens.