Boring Sam has a Devil of a time

DF-01648.CR2
DF-01648.CR2

Rosemary had her baby in 1968. Looks like Big Daddy’s back on the job. Of course, Satan never sleeps. We know that. But with whom?

Her name is Samantha (Allison Miller). She’s sweet, a bit boring and vegetarian. Also, she’s on the pill and on honeymoon. New hubby Zach (Zach Gilford) is one of those must-record-everything-for-posterity kinda guys – i.e. even more boring than Sam.

DF-02016_R.tif

DF-02016_R.tif

One evening in the Dominican Republic they go to a dodgy club and – whoopsie! – can’t remember a thing. Must have been that voodoo hoodoo beat, or those weird native cooch coochies who appeared out of smokey darkness, or was it the homebrew?

Anyway, Sam’s preggers within days and not long afterwards – months, actually – she’s gutting deer for dins and scoffing raw meat like an Andes plane crash survivor. Also, she’s changed in other ways – violent ways.

The dog starts acting funny and their local priest bleeds out during Communion, while random teenagers witness telekinetic powers with terminal results.

Before anyone talks of same-old-same-old they should know that this is a found-footage wobbly-cam Blair Witch yawnascope production, which carries a certificate from the Been There Done That Corp.

DF-03018.CR2

DF-03018.CR2

The performances are brave; the script is not.

You wait for what seems like an eternity for something to happen and when it doesn’t you take the view that Paranormal Activity 12 will be better than this.

One final question: why doesn’t Sexy Badass (stage name Bee El Zee) keep it in his pants and save us the soul-bruising experience of watching a nice girl like Samantha turn into Carrie’s evil sister?